Self-defence instructors usually say that the
best defence is never to get into a dangerous
situation in the first place. You wouldn't walk
alone at night in a bad part of town, waving
a wallet full of cash at potential robbers -
that's common sense. No amount of martial arts
would help you more than the simple act of avoiding
the area altogether.
Make the following rules a part of your dating
routine and you will hopefully never experience
any of the situations that have made them necessary.
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Get public!
Always arrange to meet in a busy public
place, preferably in daytime, until you
are sure of the their identity and you
feel comfortable being with them. |
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Stay public!
Never take your date home, this is seriously
dangerous. Never go back to their place
either, or accept a lift anywhere. Don't
put yourself in any situation where you
will be alone together, you will be vulnerable.
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Way out!
Choose a meeting place where you will
be able to get away easily if you need
to. Observe all the exits on the way in.
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Log in!
Tell a friend where you are going and
who with. Give your friend all the information
you have on the person you are meeting.
Most importantly, tell your friend what
time you are due home. |
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Regular report!
Arrange to call a friend regularly at
set intervals, keep your friend updated
as to your whereabouts and plans. You
could even pre-arrange a signal for your
friend to join you or to summon some kind
of help if you feel uneasy. |
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Trust instincts!
If you feel uneasy about someone, there
may be a good reason. If you don't feel
safe with them, don't give them personal
details about yourself and don't arrange
a second date, - make your excuses and
leave. |
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Mutual understanding!
If the person you are meeting is genuine,
they will respect your need for safety.
If any of your safety measures annoy your
date, or if they try to persuade you to
change your mind, than that's your cue
to leave. |
1. The Rules of the Dating Game
2. TWELVE TIPS FOR FINDING THE
RIGHT RELATIONSHIP
3. First Date
The Rules of the Dating Game
An expert from Dating 101 by Melissa
Darney with Zella Case
-
Be happy—your amour will love to be around
you.
-
Be flirtatious—you will keep your lover interested.
-
Be sprightly and unattainable—everyone wants
the butterfly that can't be caught.
-
Don't be available all the time— remember,
it's not necessary to explain what you've
been doing every hour you've been apart.
-
Be easy, breezy and fun—you'll be irresistible.
-
Always end a date or a phone conversation
on a high note—it will keep your lover wanting
more.
-
Let your lover think that you're the one who
needs to be reeled in—you'll be appreciated
more.
TWELVE TIPS FOR FINDING THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP
By Randolph Crew, MA, LPCI, Professional Matchmaker
-
Love
yourself first. If you don't love and respect
yourself, you will tend to attract others
who don't love or respect you. If necessary,
seek counseling.
-
Get
social. Just as you would when you're looking
for a new job or a new house, take action.
Don't wait for fate to deliver the right person
to your door.
-
Question
your existing attitudes about who is right
for you. Think outside the box and consider
all the options in age, height, weight, education,
income, etc.
-
Put
as much emphasis on compatibility as you do
on chemistry. Lust has a life span of 13 weeks.
Similar values and compatible energy last
a lot longer.
-
Be,
and seek, a good communicator. Learn to ask
open-ended questions. Express an interest
in the things the other person finds interesting.
-
Be
a positive person. Do not complain. Do not
criticize. Positive energy is sexy.
-
Be
honest. Playing games is self-defeating. Have
the courage and self-confidence to be forthright.
-
Approach
each new relationship possibility with a light,
curious attitude. Desperation and neediness
are not attractive. Enjoy the journey.
-
First,
make a new friend. Discover each other intellectually,
emotionally, and spiritually before jumping
to the physical.
-
Be
as physically attractive as possible. Exercise
and eat right. A healthy body says you care
about yourself.
-
Network.
Ask your friends and acquaintances to be on
the lookout for you.
-
Consciously
break your old pattern. Fifty percent of first
marriages end in divorce and 60% of second
marriages end the same way. Review your past
relationship history, note the pattern, and
learn to prevent yourself from repeating the
pattern. Most of us will need professional
help for this, but it must be done.
As you apply these 12 tips, remember that the
dating/mating process happens in two phases.
The first phase, the "attraction phase"
is the easy part. Women take only a few minutes
to decide if they are attracted to a male. For
men to decide if they are attracted to a female
takes even less time—three seconds by one study
in California.
The second phase, the "compatibility phase"
is the hard part. This takes weeks, months,
sometimes years, and usually a heavy investment
in money and emotional capital. That's why professional
matchmakers are a good investment. Through testing,
interest surveys, and time-proven intuition,
professionals can predict compatibility before
their clients meet. The rest, the attraction
phase, is up to the clients and can usually
be decided in an introduction and one date.
Matchmaking is the world's second oldest profession
for a reason—it is the most efficient and painless
way to find a mate.
First Date
Him
-
Be early, hold open doors and pull back
chairs.
- Stand
when the girl leaves or comes back to
the table. Always give her the seat
facing out, as she is your sole focus
for the next hour (it'll also help by
stopping your eye wandering).
- Always
pay, choose the wine and do it all naturally
and without fuss. Be attentive
and thoughtful. She'll notice it all.
- Offer
a compliment: women spend longer than
men realise to look that hot, so notice
something that's not too personal: 'you
smell nice', 'you look nice'. 'Great
butt!' is, of course, a no-no.
- Don't
boast. Woman can't stand a show-off.
It's the wrong side of confidence. If
you're great, they'll quickly work that
out for themselves.
Her
- In
return the girl should be gracious and
accepting. Making a big fuss with something
like "Ok, but the drinks at the
next bar are on ME!" is vulgar.
Just be cool. You can buy him a drink
or dinner next time.
- Laugh
at his jokes.
- Laugh
at more of his jokes.
-
Although don't try too hard. Nervous
laughter is awkward.
Both of you
- Don't
ever talk for more than thirty seconds
at a time. Even if you're telling a
story, pause and get feedback. Otherwise
you may sound like you're lecturing.
- Don't
just talk about yourself. Ask questions.
Hold the eye, and listen attentively.
Never interrupt with something you did
bigger and better.
- Don't
ask them what they think of you. It
smacks of having a lack of confidence,
which is a massive turn-off. Read the
signals well instead.
- Don't
talk about your ex-partner(s) or ex-wife.
Leave that stuff till the 'deal' is
secured.
- Don't
yawn. Just don't.
At the end of the date
Him
- Even
if you don't fancy her, make sure you
grab her a cab or see her off safely.
Her
-
Never mention seeing him again or assume
there's a second date in the making:
Don't say "Oh, i'd love to see
that movie, do you like movies?' Or
'what are you up to on the weekend?"
Mystery attracts men like magpies to
a shiny thing.
-
Dating should be ALL about the guy chasing.
Anyone too available or enthusiastic
is off-putting. (This actually goes
both ways, No one likes anyone who seems
desperate, but the guy still has to
be the one who suggests the second date.)
Both of you
-
Always hold something back. Not just
your chastity: Don't tell all your dark
secrets, don't laugh too much, don't
get too drunk and confess all. In a
word, be charming and interesting but
keep your guard up. The other person
shouldn't get to see every part of you
yet. Let them work for it.
- If
he asks if you fancy him at the end
of the evening - and you don't - let
him down gently and don't forget to
add a few character positives to boost
a bruised ego.
In
a nutshell?
- Be
desirable. Be funny. Be thoughtful.
Be smart. Be at ease. Make eye contact.
Smell good.
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